Funny quotes

Funny, but after trading for more than 15 years, I still am capable of forgetting a cardinal rule: The paper you own, in the end, will be intertwined with the fate of the 30-year bond.
Jim Cramer
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Peter Ustinov
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Oprah Winfrey
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
Mark Twain
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
Robert Frost
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Woody Allen